Cause to Pause -- Part 2

MARK 10:1-12

A reminder -- Part 1 dealt with divorce in first-century Judaism

And… another lengthy post to wrap up a complicated "life" topic. Thoughts from a dear friend, Shan Watkins, are included. She went through a divorce which was very difficult but is now happily married. Thorns were with the rose though.

As I mentioned last week, I'm a product of divorce. My dad has been married twice -- the second being my mother, and they celebrated their 63rd wedding anniversary this past March. I guess my sister and I should count our blessings for our dad's remarriage.

But it's more than that…down my dad's line. Divorced: my grandfather (once, never remarried), my grandmother (lost count, could have been six), my great-aunt (twice, didn't go for a third try). Most recently, my sister became a divorcee and has remarried.

Divorce made a significant impact on me, although it wasn't a topic of open conversation in my family. In my early teens, I remember my fundamentalist grandmother, who I called Mom, being in a marriage that lasted in the blink of an eye. When I was 18, she remarried an older gentleman who I found endearing. In a matter of months though, she told me that she would be divorcing him. I won't go into her reasons for the divorce but none made sense to me. It was as if marriage was a joke to her, and it placed a HUGE wedge between us… a wedge so deep and so wide that I avoided her for 10 years after.

Fortunately, when moving to LA at that 10-year mark, Mom and I were able to mend fences as she lived nearby. To get to the point of forgiving her was not easy, but by the sheer grace of God (probably more like tug-a-war), I was able to do so. She came to understand the hurt caused by her actions. I came to understand mine. Our relationship was restored. That's not always the case when it comes to divorce.

I believe Jesus was on to something in these 12 verses when he chided the Pharisees (those who were committing the very act of divorce) and in teaching his disciples. He emphasized marriage as being an important, sacred vow taken before God. To break that "indivisible" union causes more damage than can ever be imagined. It's not one life impacted by divorce; not two; it's numerous lives.

Case in point, Shan shared with me after her divorce, years later, the effects "live on in me, in my children, in my entire family. Even though the gaping wounds have healed, there are deep, ugly scars that can't be ignored."

My sister and I would agree. Every one of us in our family has been affected by her divorce, and the ripple effect constantly shifts from person to person.

But… surely these 12 verses in MARK are only applicable to first-century Judaism. Right? What would Jesus say to us now as it relates to marriage and divorce?

In Shan's opinion, we as Christians have grown so callous to divorce that we see it as hurtful but not necessarily sinful. So why isn't divorce at the forefront for Christian thought / study and made a core issue?

When I picked up Adam Hamilton's book Confronting the Controversies -- divorce was nowhere to be found. Biblical perspectives were focused on these issues: the separation of church and state, creation and evolution in the public schools, the death penalty, euthanasia, prayer in public schools, abortion, homosexuality. Divorce has seemingly become passé, an afterthought.

Some may say, "Oh, Mark; you're letting your Southern, conservative roots show." I can hear my sister laugh at the conservative part.

Did You Know…?

(1) In America, there's one divorce every… 13 seconds. That's 6,646 divorces per day, and 46,523 divorces per week. The average length of a marriage that ends in divorce is eight years. [i]

(2) The Barna Research Group measured divorce statistics by religion. They found 29% of Baptists were divorced (the highest for a religious group). Only 21% of atheists/agnostics were divorced. Christians don't have the corner on successful marriages!

(3) In the U.S.:

          * 41% of first marriages end in divorce;

          * 60% of second marriages end in divorce;

          * 73% of third marriages end in divorce. [ii]

"While conventional wisdom says half of all marriages end in divorce, the real number is hard to pin down -- some states don't collect data on divorce, and people who marry and divorce a lot can skew the figures -- but many experts say a better estimate is closer to 40%." [iii]

(4) 43% of children in America today are raised without their fathers. 28% of children living with a divorced parent are in a household with an income below the poverty line. [iv]

(5) Think it's just an "American" situation? A 2011 Center of Social Justice study showed 48% of children in the United Kingdom were likely to see their parents split before they reached the age of 16. Ten years prior,… the rate was 40%.

Frightening stats, huh? With that in mind…

Let us be careful in taking a revolutionary teaching by Jesus based in justice and equality (to what was happening in the first century) and allowing it to become "a rule dogmatically rooted in oppression" [v] for today.

Let's not overlook a key element that Jesus was shaking up the Establishment. He was an advocate for the rights of women. To say what he did to the Pharisees was jaw-dropping -- on behalf of women. According to biblical scholar Walter Wink, Jesus violated the mores of his time in every single encounter with women recorded in the four Gospels.

This radical graciously accepted a prostitute's anointing. Women joined his followers along the journey, which you know created gossip. Jesus did miracles on behalf of women. In John 4:1-27, Jesus asked a Samaritan woman for help. The story reveals his knowledge of her having been through husbands like pocket-change. Where was Jesus' judgment since clearly she had done wrong? By the end, we know this woman led a spiritual renewal.

Jesus' involvement with women was a life-changer, a game-changer, a religion-changer, a spiritual-changer.

Back then as in today, people still use religion for their own desires, to protect their own selfish interests, instead of putting the focus on God. People find ways to use the Bible in a hurtful manner. That could even include staying in an abusive, oppressive marriage because clergy or family or friends have evoked these verses "literally" against divorce.

As Shan told me, which members of the study group stated too, "There are a few marriages that I personally thought were more tragic than divorce."

Would Jesus want us to take every attempt to save the marriage? Absolutely. Divorce however should be the last step. But it takes two people who are committed to honesty, facing the truth about what part they play in conflict, to be willing to expand, grow, change and work.

As Bev * (a widow) told the study group, "In my 35-year marriage, we had our up's; we had our down's. We had to work at it. Communication was key. And it takes two."

Shan agreed with Bev's thoughts, but said she would "add respect as being more important than love in a marriage." More important?!? That'll give you pause.

It goes in hand with what Leah * responded with: "We've become a culture that romanticizes marriage -- Love conquers all. Popular culture doesn't teach us about communication."

Sounds odd since we've become a nation focused on communication with our smartphones, laptops, tablets, social networking,…. To which Joe * replied, "Today's tools of communication actually create isolation. It hasn't advanced the concept." Patrick * reminded us about someone being dumped in a relationship via a text message.

Jesus encourages us to be in authentic relationships. Authentic with each other; authentic with God. Are you centered on "you" or are you centered on "us"? Have you searched your soul when conflict arises? Joe * reminded us of the phrase, "If you want a better wife, be a better husband." To be a better partner, one has to look within themselves to make the change.

In the 63 years of marriage for my parents, there have been stormy times; they could've easily thrown in the towel. Yet they didn't. There has been a lot of work done together over 63 years. A lot of forgiveness. A lot of grace. A lot of love. A lot of respect. But it also took two willing partners to do this.

When we enter into marriage -- ''for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health,'' we are entering into God's kingdom as well as into the unknown with each other. Unexpected surprises will surface. Guaranteed. They will disrupt the romance. Issues along the way may arise, such as abuse, oppression, adultery and other horrible instances which shake us to our core.

We trust ourselves with our lives, but where is God? Are we actually trusting God with our lives? With our flaws and all?

Marriage is a spiritual unity. We must show compassion, acceptance, and provide an endless supply of forgiveness before stepping away in a marriage.

None of us is perfect. Yet none of us is a mistake. Each of us nevertheless will make mistakes along the way. What did Jesus teach us? To forgive. To forgive them. To forgive ourselves. He wants us to be whole. Whatever stands in the way, even if we choose to divorce, we need to resolve those issues and conflicts so we can be healthy. And authentic.

Shan found these words (in the paragraph above) comforting while being something she needed the most. My close, loving friend stated, "Forgiving myself is a daily struggle, but I know I am more whole and definitely more authentic than ever before in my life."

I believe Jesus would also remind us, "Know God loves you no matter what. That I love you no matter what. That you are loved no matter what."

Let us humbly accept God as he is revealed in Jesus. Let us accept ourselves, flaws and all. Let us accept ourselves as the person God has chosen to be his. Let us work on being authentic.

NEXT

What makes you "first" -- having it all?

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[i] www.mckinleyirvin.com

[ii] www.mckinleyirvin.com

[iii] "The End of Alimony," TIME, May 27, 2013 -- Belinda Luscombe

[iv] www.mckinleyirvin.com

[v] "Just Marriage: Jesus, Divorce and the Vulnerable," October 3, 2012 -- David R. Henson

* Member of the study group

Cause to Pause -- Part 1

MARK 10:1-12

I am a product of divorce. Some of you have no clue about this fact, but it's true. Divorce has greatly impacted my family down the line. But... that's something to expound upon later -- in Part 2.

The focus of this particular post, which is lengthy, will be how these 12 verses applied in first-century Judaism. And it will give you cause to pause.

Jesus and his disciples have now traveled back to the land of Herod Antipas where the Pharisees are ready to pounce. Their hope is to publicly discredit Jesus' ministry. With what? With one of the most volatile issues at the time: divorce. How? Entrap him to choose a side between two schools of rabbinical interpretation. Why? To then charge heresy against him so he might suffer the same fate as John the Baptist.

Before journeying further down the "divorce" trail, let's reflect on marriage. It's a hot topic these days, especially around church circles, but I'm not going to stir the pot with my views of same-sex marriage. Contact me if you wish to discuss the matter. What's imperative here in Part 1 is, which bears repeating, we're dealing with life in first-century Judaism.

Marriage. "To be joined." This literally means "to glue" and in Jesus' eyes that was super-glue. "One flesh" forms an indivisible union. Jesus goes back to the Garden of Eden. Fidelity to each other is God's original intent. "It was his belief in the very constitution of the universe that marriage is meant to be an absolute permanency and unity." [i]

Glued. Indivisible. Absolute. Permanency. God's original intent. Do those words give you pause?

There's a wonderful, moving story written by Rob Bell (another one of favorite religious authors) about marriage in the first century. It's long but well-worth sharing. It'll also give you pause.

"Generally a young woman would be married in her early teens, often at thirteen or fourteen. ...Her father would entertain offers from the fathers of young men who were interested in marrying her. If the fathers agreed on the terms of the marriage, there would be a celebration to honor the couple and announce their engagement.

At this celebration, the groom would offer the young girl a cup of wine to drink. But she doesn't have to drink it. She can reject the cup. She can say no to his offer of marriage. Even though everything has already been arranged, she can still say no. It's up to her.

...If she says yes, the groom gives a sort of prepared speech about their future together. Because if she takes the cup and drinks from it, that only means that they are engaged. They aren't married yet. Something still has to happen. Or to be more precise, something has to be built.

If she says yes, then the groom goes home and begins building an addition onto his family's home. This is where he and his bride will start their new family together. ...And here's the interesting part: he doesn't know when he's going to finish. Because he doesn't have the final say on whether it's ready. That's his father's decision. And so his father periodically inspects his work.

The father has considerations as well. If he has many sons, and they've all built additions, then his house is getting quite large. There are many rooms in it. This was called an insula, a large multifamily dwelling.

Back to the story. The future bride is at home, learning how to run a household. She also doesn't know when the work will be done, so she's preparing herself for a date that's coming, she just doesn't know when.

And then the day comes. The father inspects and tells the son that it's time. So the son gets his friends, and they set out for her house to get her. But how will he know what room is hers? He'll know because she has filled her lamp with oil each night and set it in the window, so that when he comes, he'll know which rooms is hers.

And so he goes to get her, and they gather their friends and family, and there's a giant procession back to his house, where the party starts. When she takes the glass of wine at their engagement party and drinks from it, the groom says to her: My father's house has plenty of room; if that were not so, would I have told you that I am going there to prepare a place for you? And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am. You know the way to the place where I am going." [ii]

Sound familiar? Jesus says these words to his disciples later: John 14:2-4. Hmmmm. Jesus uses the wedding metaphor, which would've struck a heart chord with some of his disciples who would've said those words to their brides. This event -- a wedding -- is used to describe heaven. And we can choose to say "yes" or reject it. Powerful stuff!

So if marriage was made in heaven, who's opinion on earth matters more than God's? Because that's where Jesus is headed.

Also, it's important as we move forward,... women didn't have many rights, being clearly limited in the first century. They were treated more like property, similar to the buying and selling of land. [iii] With little more status than a slave, a woman was meant to have children and maintain the proper dietary laws at home. [iv] Yes, she could reject the offer of marriage, but consider the incredible, stressful pressures from family, community and culture.

Back-tracking now to verse 2... "Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife?" asked the Pharisees of Jesus. How did he reply? With a direct question. "What did Moses command you?" Their response? Look carefully at their response. Jesus didn't ask what Moses allowed but what he commanded. "The Pharisees thought Jesus meant the commandment of concession, not the ideal state." [v] Jesus turns the tables on them and goes straight to Scripture; making it not a legal issue but one that's spiritual.

"The Mosaic law, as the Pharisees were forced to concede, nowhere commanded divorce. The passage in question, Deuteronomy 24:1-4, recognized the reality of divorce and sought to protect the wife's rights and reputation and also regulated remarriage." [vi]

Hillel and Shammai, who lived in the generation before Jesus, took opposing sides in interpreting this passage -- "...because he has found in her indecency in a matter."

"The School of Shammai interpreted the matter with utter strictness. A matter of indecency was adultery and adultery alone. Let a woman be as bad as Jezebel, unless she was guilty of adultery there could be no divorce.

The School of Hillel interpreted that crucial phrase as widely as possible. They said it could mean if the wife spoiled a dish of food, if she spun [using the spinning wheel] in the streets, if she talked to a strange man, if she spoke disrespectfully of her husband's relations in his hearing, if she was a brawling woman (who was defined as a woman whose voice could be heard in the next house). Rabbi Akiba even went the length of saying it meant if a man found a woman who was fairer in his eyes than his wife was." [vii]

Did You Know...?

"The only grounds on which a woman could claim a divorce were if her husband became a leper, if he engaged in a disgusting trade such as that of a tanner, if he ravished a virgin, or if he falsely accused her of prenuptial sin." [viii]

Such trivial events as interpreted by the School of Hillel made divorce "legitimate." A certificate of dismissal (or divorce) would serve as the wife's formal release from the marriage. It also affirmed her right to marry again.

Where was forgiveness in this mix? Where was maturity? Where was spiritual well-being? "The Pharisees mistook God's gracious provision in permitting divorce (under certain circumstances) for his ordaining of it." [ix] The Deuteronomy regulation was a concession because forgiveness was rare.

What did Jesus state? "What God has joined together, let no one separate." In the Gospel of Mark, Jesus' words are against divorce and remarriage. In Matthew 19:7-9, Jesus' words are still against remarriage but permit for divorce on one ground -- adultery.

Cause to pause. Especially for those who take the Bible literally, as black-and-white. 

So what would Jesus say to us today? We'll explore that and more in Part 2.

NEXT

What controversy?; Jesus stands by women; jaw-dropping stats; today versus then  

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[i] The Gospel of Mark, Barclay -- p. 240

[ii] Sex God, Rob Bell -- pp. 169-170

[iii] The Living Application Bible, p. 1755

[iv] Don't Know Much About the Bible, Kenneth C. Davis -- p. 384

[v] The Renaissance New Testament, Randolph O. Yeager -- p. 159

[vi] The MacArthur Study Bible -- p. 1481

[vii] The Gospel of Mark, Barclay -- p. 239

[viii] The Gospel of Mark, Barclay -- p. 238

[ix] The MacArthur Study Bible -- p. 1481

Salt is Good

MARK 9:49-50

Two verses, three statements,… and the common denominator is “salt.” Other than that it’s wide open for interpretation. In the opinion of many theologians, these quotes weren’t necessarily said by Jesus at this precise moment in the Gospel of Mark. Regardless, let’s move forward – one, two three – and delve into “salt.”

“For everyone will be salted with fire.”

“According to the Jewish law every sacrifice must be salted with salt before it was offered to God on the altar. That sacrificial salt was called the salt of the covenant.” [i] This ties into three Old Testament verses: Leviticus 2:13; Numbers 18:19; 2 Chronicles 13:5.

“Observant Jews sprinkle salt on bread before reciting the b’rakhah [blessing] over it. This follows from the rabbinic equating of the home dining table with the Temple altar.” [ii] This blessing is “Barukh attah, Adonai Eloheynu Melekh-ha’olam, haMotzi lechem min ha’aretz” (“Praised be you, Adonai our God, King of the universe, who brings forth bread from the earth.”) [iii]

So how is this verse “salted with fire” relatable for us today? Fire is the salt in order for our lives to be acceptable to God. …Come again?

Think of it this way. Gold, which is a precious metal, is purified by fire. The process includes plunging it into the heart of a fire until it no longer resembles what it once looked like. Its final shape will be formed by the goldsmith.

What we go through in our lives each day strengthens us, and in a way, sends us through the fire – to ultimately purify us. We are not the same as we were after going through the fire.

Another way to look at this is… fire destroys. Consider the forest which has been decimated by fire. It has undergone hardship as the fire consumes everything in its path. Nevertheless, the power of fire actually leads to regrowth. “The heat from burning trees pops open the cones on those trees, releasing seeds that have been waiting to get loose for years. Millions of those seeds are dumped on the forest floor,… they germinate, pop through the soil and start growing into little seedlings.” [iv]

Each of us will face varying levels of trials and persecution. As Patrick * said, “Everyone will be tempted; we’ll all go through the fire; we’ll each be tested.” Through the experience of “fire,” we place ourselves before God as an offering, a sacrifice. By doing so, being salted with fire, we are purified and experience new growth.

“Salt is good; but if salt has lost its saltiness, how can you season it?”

Salt is flavorful and adds to the enjoyment of food. It’s also a preservative. “Salt was an essential item in first-century Palestine in a hot climate, without refrigeration; salt was the practical means of preserving food.” [v]

As a child, I remember my grandfather rubbing a mixture of salt and other ingredients over meat. The process was called “dry curing” – a means of preserving. He would then hang the meat in the smoke house behind his home. But if the meat had not been “dry cured” with the mixture of salt, it would’ve been corrupted.

The world, in which Jesus and his followers spread the Good News, was corrupt. As then as now, the world needs this “salt” which is good; yet, if the follower of Christ has lost their flavor, what will the world be seasoned with? Something to reflect upon.

“Have salt in yourselves, and be at peace with one another.”

“The ancients declared that there was nothing in the world purer than salt because it came from the two purest things, the sun and the sea. The very glistening whiteness of salt was a picture of purity.” [vi]

Let us be purified by the light and Spirit of Christ. Let us be purified from that which disconnects and separates us from God. Let us be refreshed by the clear, clean water as we are reshaped. Let us salt the earth with the love of Christ and the message of the Good News.

By having salt in ourselves, let us live with one another in peace. As Leah * said to the study group, “We’re all in this together.”

NEXT

A sticky-wicket called “Divorce”

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[i] The Gospel of Mark, Barclay – p. 234

[ii] Jewish Annotated New Testament – p. 94

[iii] B’rakhah – www.seraia.com

[iv] “Rising from the ashes” – Science Buzz

[v] The MacArthur Study Bible – p. 1481

[vi] The Gospel of Mark, Barclay – p. 236

* Member of the Study Group